Just now as I pick up my quill pen to begin creating the next instalment of what will undoubtedly become known to mankind as a stunning piece of masterful literature. I wonder if posterity will consider the pain, dedication and sacrifice we sensitive types pour into our creations. What say you dear dedicated reader will you tell your grandchildren that you lived in the same era as ‘him what wrote’. No! Ok then!
On a more serious note I gave a talk some years ago and was asked how to attract bees to a garden, I was asked again the other day so if it is of any interest I repeat my advice here. Bees see ultraviolet colours very well so plant white, purple, blue, and yellow flowers. Plants that bees are attracted to are bluebells, rosemary, monkshood, foxglove, dead-nettle, lavender, bugle, and honeysuckle. You may know some others if so let me know.

I was reading a proper book the other day about nature type stuff. How many different butterfly species do you think were recently recorded in British gardens? Amazingly 46 I could not even name ten. Did you also know that an acre of soil can hold more than a million earthworms and that the weight of the largest pumpkin ever grown (well up to October 2014) was 2058 lbs or 933Kg. That is equivalent to the entire weight of an under14 boy’s rugby team including the reserves!

You may have gathered that I am in a reflective mood this month and I wondered if anyone is able to help me with a few questions please.

I am concerned that if man evolved from monkey and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? I was very confused the other day when I went to a book shop and asked the salesperson ”where is the self-help section please” She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose! Also I really do worry what should I do if I see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? As if that quandary were not enough to trouble one I cannot decide if a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked? I was in court the other day and just could not relax because it occurred to me that if the police arrest a chap who cannot speak, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent!

You may laugh but I worry about these things, someone has to you know. Sometimes I cannot get off to sleep at night wondering if there is another word for synonym. It is a real strain I will have you know, having a brain like mine.

I wrote an article some time ago about the names parents give to their children here are some others I have found. Miss Brandy D. Cantor, Mr Bill Board, Miss Carrie Oakley, Mr Dick Tator, Mr Jack Pott, Miss Mona Lott and Miss Tish Hughes.

JOBS FOR THE MONTH
Watch out for late frosts, protect tender plants with fleece

Delay putting out tomatoes until the risk of frost has passed

Feed your garden generally:
Shrubs with phostrogen or miracle grow
Clematis and climbers with clematis climbing plant feed
Alpines with a high potash feed

Finish planting main crop potatoes

Prune forsythia hard as soon as the flowers fade

Cut back hard very early spring flowering clematis when they have completed blooming.

Water the garden early and late in the day as the heat returns with the sun.

Check the greenhouse daily for adequate ventilation

Check for and deal with greenfly

Treat weeds in pathways and drives

Thin out turnips, lettuce, spinach and beetroot

Cauliflower, cabbages and Brussels may be planted out if 6” high

Cane fruits will love a helping of well rotted manure

Treat lawn weeds with specialist weed killer like ‘verdone’ or a powder weed killer. A specific ‘spring’ feed treatment is available from most garden retailers.

Treat lawns with a spring feed of high nitrogen weed, feed and moss kill.

Lower the cut of your lawn mower gradually not all in one harsh cut.

Make repairs to lawns and edges

Plant up hanging baskets and troughs, but harden off the bedding plants before you plant them in your garden or before you put baskets and containers outside.

More lovely names are Miss Claire Annette Reed; her sister Sarah married a Mr Bellum (come on work it out). Also Mr Warren Peace who loved to read a long book. Finally take pity on poor Emma Smith who was asked to be married by Mr Royds.

Bye for now, happy gardening
David Penny